When my oldest son was in his first semester of college, our family went through two very difficult situations: my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and my wife with stage three breast cancer.
These diagnoses took us completely by surprise. As a financial planner, I’d often counselled others on having plans for disability or long-term care. Though I went ahead and made arrangements for my own family, I hadn’t thought I’d need it. And now, suddenly, I did.
If you’ve gone through the immense changes that take place when your family members have unexpected medical issues, you understand how overwhelming it can be, physically, emotionally, and financially. If you haven’t planned for the unexpected in advance, you can find yourself drowning.
This is when you need to get help.
When you find yourself facing difficult situations in life, it’s important not to do it alone. But to get the right help, you need to know whom to talk to. I’m a big proponent of therapy. A psychologist can give you coping skills, help you prepare for what you might face, and help you deal with the current situation. Friends and family, especially those who’ve been through something similar, can also offer excellent advice and some honest answers on what you’ll face. But be careful about relying only on close relationships. Sure, everyone who’s closely involved can talk about the situation, but it’s not always easy to be unbiased when you’re close to the issue.
One thing you don’t want to have to worry about is your financial situation. Insurance will cover a lot of things, but you have to have it in place before a life-changing diagnosis; once you’re told you have cancer, it’s hard to get new insurance. Get disability insurance, as well as basic medical, and look into long-term care costs.
A professional can help you navigate exactly what you might need. Look for a competent financial adviser who does more than just wealth management. You want someone who knows about estate planning, elder care, and estate law. (This can save you the $500 consultation fee and high prices a lawyer will charge.) At the very least, your financial advisor should have a network of people to refer you to if he isn’t well-versed in these topics. A good financial planner will be able to alleviate the pressure, talk to you like a human being and not in corporate terms, and come up with a checklist of what possible situations might arise so you can tackle them one by one. And of course, someone who’s been in similar situations or has experience with sudden tragedy is ideal.
Sometimes as financial planners we play the role “truth teller” for our clients. And that’s ok. But I would also encourage you to make sure you have other people to confide in should tragedy strike. If you don’t have close friends or family members, then seek the advice of a counselor because going through it alone is really hard.